Final Farewell to My Father Toews

I’ve been privileged to have had two fathers. My biological Dad – Eric Forsberg: my loving, quiet-spoken, stable rock – and a pastor from my childhood who became my father-in-law: Jacob B Toews, who personally inserted the B because he wanted a middle name (no surprise that his son does things just because he wants to!) When these two ‘fathers’ met, they became friends. Jake and his family had just returned from a few years in the West Indies where they worked to help small church congregations get established. Dad was a member of our church board; a few years older than Jake – who was receptive to my father’s gentle spirit and sage wisdom. In those years – as a kid – this girl perceived pastor Jake as austere: also handsome, just like his son!

Preachers tend to move often: it was a sad day when in sixth grade the family moved to Manitoba. However destiny prevailed. The boy and this girl connected as teen-agers at a camp in Minnesota, USA. (The story how this came to be includes the girl’s minister-brother living at the time in Winnipeg, Manitoba.) Dad Toews and his family then lived in the U.S. He was the camp director: it was the inaugural launch of the camp and Dad Toews’ mind and schedule was full of distractions and responsibilities – unaware one night of his son’s whereabouts; kissing this girl under a huge oak tree. One could say that on all counts, camp was a success!

The girl went home to Alberta; the flame flickered out until three years later when she heard the boy had moved home to his Alberta-Canadian roots. She gave him a call – yes, that’s the way it went – and like the saying goes “the rest is history.” The boy and girl got married, they were both twenty, had two children within the next four years, and lived within driving distance of Mom and Dad Toews and the boy’s 7 siblings (the family had moved back to Alberta).

The girl was embraced into the family – a comfortable transition eased by shared history and common backgrounds. Yet the perception of Dad Toews’s austere-ness persisted: until he visited the hospital to meet his first grand-child. Like an inner lightbulb had switched on, his smile and eyes translated to the girl – “wow – truly amazing, thank you for Renee, a beautiful granddaughter.” This expression of warmth eliminated any future sense of ‘distance’ the girl had felt.

Two years later Dad Toews embraced the baby brother that completed his son’s family: a namesake to carry forward the family lineage. Precious were the years of living within a short drive of each other.

Decades of life evolved over many seasons. The preacher moved to several different pulpits in the years following. One of these pulpits was only an hour away from the family foursome – everybody loved this closeness. Grandma and Grandpa showered love on these grandkids, even taking them camping! A special highlight for that first wee grand-daughter was Dad Toews officiating her marriage ceremony.

Dad Toews came from a very large family – more than a dozen children – it’s no surprise that there were difficult times. Sadly, it was especially rough for Dad; with hardships and pain beyond the meagre food rations at their table. Sadly, these wounds re-surfaced and tormented him throughout his life.

With the grace and support of loving aunties Dad Toews grew to be a young man – followed by opportunities to make decisions for his life. He attended a church, met people who cared about him in a way he he could understand: Jake, we love you. And more importantly, God loves you: you’re a young man with hope and potential for the future. The condensed version from there: he went to a Bible School to learn more about this God; he met and shortly thereafter, married Lorie. (To add spice to this story – prior to this – Lorie was one of the servers at the girl’s parents’ wedding!) Jake and Lorie built – and have left- a rich legacy of descendants. As the boy says: “…eight children who are not only decent human beings, but their families and grandchildren love and support each other. What’s more significant than this?!”

The girl knew she was blessed – the only issues with her in-law Mom and Dad were figuring out when they could next see their grandkids! As years progressed, physical distance from each other also grew – literally right across the country. A family reunion August 2023 was a gift for a rare ‘sit down together’ visit. Dad’s Parkinson’s made phone chats difficult.

The boy’s siblings were graciously bearing the load for Dad’s Doc appointments, arranging his living accommodations, supporting his bad days: and enduring difficult, ill-tempered moods triggered from Dad’s unsettled re-cycled memories. Life is not all sweet and rosy for anyone; and for some, more difficult and dark than people around can understand.

Four weeks ago today the girl was honoured to participate in Dad Toews’ memorial service. Today she says “good-bye, I love you – it’s been my privilege to call you too, my father. May you rest in peace.”

The Girl